tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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