I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
