your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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