how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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