allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh god the rape fog is back!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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