Yo dont text me then not text me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize