I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
