Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize