escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize