maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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