Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
