I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize