Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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