We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
