i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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