I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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