tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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