so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
