I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
