Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
