Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
