i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
