Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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