If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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