My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
