I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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