You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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