JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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