$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
