I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
