how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
