dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
pop tarts are not kleenex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pants are for mortals
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
