My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
