Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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