sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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