I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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