Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
