Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
