Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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