Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
