I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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