Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
