I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
