Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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