Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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