she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
