Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
