is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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