I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
