____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was like eating out sand paper
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
