R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
