you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
