The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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