i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
