Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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