thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize