know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
