I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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