last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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