Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
