Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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