My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
