just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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