cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
