FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
