the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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