He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Operation Purity has been aborted
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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