I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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