Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
