i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
