You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize