Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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