The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
