I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize