last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize